Reverie

Hello, world. I’m back! After almost a year of not posting anything, I’ve finally resurfaced online. With the recent string of suicides, especially the ones who made the news, mental health awareness is becoming more prominent. Because of this, I have this urge to go back to blogging.

Maintaining this blog was not even one of my priorities, hence the lack of updates. I had no clear purpose in blogging before – I just wanted an outlet for my thoughts. However, it’s becoming clear to me that I continue writing my story and sharing my experiences to somehow help and inspire others going through the same things as I am. As someone dealing with several mental disorders, it has been incredibly hard for me to deal with the transitions of marriage, domesticity, motherhood, and loss. Maybe, in dealing with my demons, I can help others while helping myself.

reverie

The past year, I was so out of it. I remember 2015 and 2016 better than how I remember 2017. I felt like I lost a bit of myself last year – barely creating artworks, making music, and I was also very rarely in the present. I was just coping, but not healing. Those are two very different things that I’ll write about one of these days. Coping made me very stressed and it made things worse for me.

Right now, I’m in the process of healing. As my doctor tells me, my mental disorders are a part of me and I have to accept that. I’ve been in counseling for the past year and it has helped me tremendously, but just enough to fend for myself until the next session. I kept spiraling downwards, mucking about at the bottom of the pit, waiting for – I don’t know – myself.

The past couple of months, I’ve felt better. What changed? I’m still basically in the same situation as I was a year ago: a housewife dealing with domestic chores and mental health issues. But I’m not letting that define me anymore. I decided to address my self-imposed labels, expectations, and just grab life by the balls. In doing this, I’ve realized a lot of things about myself and I suddenly found my anxiety and depression easier to live with.

While we’re at it, I would like to share the things that I found were helpful to me in dealing with my mental disorders. It’s definitely not a solution for everyone, but doing these made things so much better for me:

 

  • Asking for help

To ask for help is admitting to oneself that something is amiss. I’ve always found it hard to ask for help before. It was a combination of pride and feelings worthlessness on my part. Seeing a psychologist and tackling things head on works better because it leaves very little room for troubling thoughts.

  • Spirituality

Regardless of religion, I found that spirituality bears a lot of impact on the mental, emotional, and physical state of the human body. With my panic attacks, anxiety, and depression, I went through a time when I lost so much faith because I felt so unloved by God. Affirming myself in God’s love marked the start of my healing.

  • Diet

I did a lot of research about foods that trigger emotional problems, and all that research just made me so confused and even more anxious. I felt bad about myself for not being able to follow certain things because I’m an emotional eater. I also felt bad about my body image because I’m so far from my pre-baby weight. This one is still a grey area for me, but I’m slowly figuring out which foods work best for me. One thing is for sure – deprivation will never work.

  • Mindfulness

This is one of the toughest things to implement in life, but oh so rewarding when applied. Staying in the moment, and not in the past or the future is one of the hardest things for me to do.

  • Self-love

I stopped depreciating self-talk and I’m learning to accept myself as I am right now. That doesn’t mean in any way that I’ll stop improving myself. I will continue to work on myself for all the right reasons.

  • No social media

I have not updated my Instagram for a year and I occasionally delete the Facebook app on my phone. For me, social media equates to pressure – the pressure to deliver, to look good, to be “liked” – and it’s so unhealthy for my emotional well-being.

  • Cut off negative attachments

Just move on. Even if I limit my social media use, I still unfollowed a ton of people. People whom I thought about as close friends, upon reflection, are just people nurturing a superficial relationship. Time is too precious for inauthentic relationships.

That’s all for now. I would love to connect with people reading this who can relate to what I am going through. Millions of mental illnesses. Message me or just leave a comment if you have things add or if you have any questions at all. ❀

One thought on “Reverie

  1. I stumbled upon this blog thru your recent IG post. The social media part is so true especially for those who take pleasure in pleasing others more than self.

    Coping is different from healing. It deceives you that everything is fine until you end up destroying your emotional health severely and you become too hopeless to go on. I hope I get the courage to seek help as well. I’m not sure if I do need help but it feels like it.

    Like

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